Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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