i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
