i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
