Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
These tits shall not be calmed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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