you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
