Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
