I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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