I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
