I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
