when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
