So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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