Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
