I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
this hospital has no fireball
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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