OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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