the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
