I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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