i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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