Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
