Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
