FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
