i was rollin on her like bob the builder
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
