My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
where are you?
Hypothermia
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
