Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
