There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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