Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
