me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
