I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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