Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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