whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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