White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
