3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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