I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
