Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
