my shit smells like andre
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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