So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
