Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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