I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
