people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
