I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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