Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
