he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
