i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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