im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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