your parents love me but you hate me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
