woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
