Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
