just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
