Your tits are I can't wait for
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
