Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
