I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
cat food counts as protein by the way
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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