Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
