I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
